Sometimes we feel lonely because we sense that no one truly understands us, or because we can't connect with others: everyone is always too busy or physically distant. It happens when you move to a new city, end a long relationship, or simply when interests change, you grow, and drift away from others for countless reasons. Feeling lonely is, ironically, universal. But what to do when you're alone?
Whether it's just a feeling or an actual condition, loneliness can offer us many points for reflection and action. So here are our tips for simple activities to do when you're alone:
15 Easy Things to Do When You Feel Lonely
What exactly is loneliness? In short, it's the gap between what you have and what you want from your relationships.
It's not necessarily about being physically alone or, conversely, surrounded by people. You might feel especially lonely in a crowd just as much as in your room. It's more a matter of mindset. When you feel lonely, it's usually because you're not satisfied enough with what you have, either at that moment or over the course of your life.
And until you're able to identify and then address what you're unhappy with, you'll feel isolated, excluded, and in need of company. You might even have many friends, perhaps from youth, but if you no longer find common ground with them, you'll feel as if you have none.
The upside: Feeling lonely isn't necessarily a bad thing! It's a reminder that something's off in your social environment and that you need to prioritize your happiness.
Here we list 17 things you can actually do every day and in your free time to feel a little less lonely, a bit more confident, and much more connected, whether your loneliness is more physical or more of a feeling. These are small tips to fight boredom and the melancholy that can come when you're home alone; simple ideas to face loneliness more calmly, to find friends, or to do something that truly nourishes your spirit.
Face the Feeling of Loneliness
As with many things, the first step to moving forward is to be real about what you're going through.
Most people try to deny feeling lonely or assume they must just be anxious or depressed. Why? Because there's a lot of stigma surrounding loneliness.
Many people are ashamed to admit they feel lonely because they associate the experience with social isolation and otherness. But refusing to come to terms with your loneliness means delaying the chance to do something about it.
Don't deny or push away the idea of loneliness: because of all the shame and self-criticism that accompany loneliness, a common reaction is to mock yourself and think you actually don't need anyone, things are better this way, and you'll do fine on your own.
In the long run, however, this response will harm your mental and physical health. People need people; we are social animals and everyone needs to feel loved. So, as soon as you can put a label on your loneliness, it's time to try to do something about it.
Remember That You're Not Really Alone
The paradox here is: we are not alone in our loneliness!
Now, this doesn't mean you should necessarily lean into loneliness just because others are dealing with it too. It's simply a great opportunity to remember that, just like anyone else, you have the power to pull yourself out of this situation.
Write Down Positive Memories
This is one of those tips you've probably heard before but maybe haven't yet put into practice. Now's the time to make a real attempt.
Even just dedicating 15 minutes a day to jot down special moments you've shared with friends and family can be enough to overcome negative feelings and loneliness.
The process will remind you that you're not alone, and memories are meant to boost your mood.
Take Note of Everything You're Grateful For
This is an evolution of the previous tip: it's like a “gratitude journal,” which also helps you stay productive.
When you feel lonely, you usually bury yourself in your thoughts, which are often negative. But, as they say, gratitude turns what we have into abundance.
To get out of a negative mood, write down a few things you're grateful for (think: your job, a roof over your head, and a supportive family). Doing this will shift your thoughts from those about yourself and your slump to those about other people you care about and positive factors in your life.
Smile (Then Do Something You Love)
Smiling at yourself in the mirror might seem like a trivial tip. But maybe try closing your eyes and thinking about the last time you made someone smile or laugh. At that point, let your facial muscles do the rest.
Does it seem strange? Yes. But will it help? Absolutely!
Just thinking about a time when you felt euphoric will automatically bring a smile to your face—a move that will trigger all those feel-good neurotransmitters in your brain and make you feel happier than you were just seconds before.
Once you feel a bit better, maintain that feeling by leaning into something that truly makes you feel good, like opening your favorite book and starting to read, relaxing on the couch watching your favorite TV series, or going out for a run (or somewhere else: have you ever tried going to the movies alone? The experience can be really enjoyable and immersive).
Volunteer
Loneliness isn't negative in itself: it's what we do with it that influences, positively or negatively, our physical and mental health. To make sure you're letting loneliness guide you toward the right thing, consider joining a group or a volunteer project.
Spending a day working with the elderly or preparing meals at a soup kitchen satisfies your desire to feel needed and pulls you away from the self-centered mindset that loneliness brings.
Also, the time you spend getting to know the people you serve will bring out some of the intimacy and connection you've always wanted.
Adopt a Pet
There are plenty of reasons to adopt a dog or cat. But when it comes to loneliness, interacting with animals also has the power to release dopamine in the brain, which is important since this chemical is associated with pleasure and rewards.
Plus, walking the dog or taking the cat to the vet for a check-up is an opportunity to start conversations with other pet owners and maybe even make new friends.
Already have a dog? Go on nature hikes with him (or her)! It’s a fantastic way to feel good in the outdoors, meet new people, and spend quality free time with your four-legged friend.
Join a Club or Take a Class
Learning new things as an adult and practicing them with others is a wonderful challenge: it might make you uncomfortable at first, but it’s usually worth it.
Sign up for a pottery class or a film lovers’ club, for example, or follow whatever passion or curiosity you have at the moment. Interacting with people who share a common interest offers a better chance to form meaningful connections, which is usually exactly what we lack in life when we’re alone.
Start Planning Your Activities
Often our lives need a bit more structure to regain harmony.
Feelings of loneliness often seem to last forever and you think there’s nothing you can do to escape the dark cloud hanging over your head, but that’s not true! It can be hard to remind yourself that loneliness is usually temporary, so sometimes it’s good to stick to a strategic plan, a strict schedule to follow.
It’s harder to feel lonely when you have a plan and a purpose! So set alarms for a morning meditation, a call with someone you care about, and a face mask in the evening. Planning these simple things ahead will also give you a sense of control.
Once you find a routine, stick to it as much as possible. Sometimes it will be tough, but as long as you take it one day at a time, the structured routine will feel more natural.
Go Out for a Walk
It gets your body moving, gives you a chance to clear your mind, and also offers the opportunity to meet other nice people to chat with and make friends.
Many studies have shown that walks have significant effects on mood. Even just a few minutes outdoors can prevent your mood from worsening and help fight the feelings of fear that loneliness brings.
So, banish negative thoughts: plan your next outing in nature right away!
Answer the Phone
Did you know that practicing the so-called “art of listening” can really make us feel better?
Call someone you love and who cares about you. But instead of exchanging the usual “how are you” and small talk about the weather, listen actively and truly engage with the person on the other line.
When they talk about something in their life, ask them more and let them speak.
People thirst for this kind of interaction. Everyone wants to be heard, so give someone in your life the gift of truly listening, and let their stories take you out of your lonely mental space for a while. It will be rewarding for both of you!
Take a Risk and Go For It
If you feel lonely because you don’t believe any of your relationships are substantial, this is your chance to do something and dive into a social event. Yes, you might be rejected, but eventually you’ll find someone or even a whole tribe that understands and welcomes you.
Start in a place where you feel comfortable. Take your workout class, for example: approach the person who high-fives you after every good result or notices when you miss a lesson. Or start chatting with people you meet during a group outing: you might end the evening with new friends.
Start a conversation as best you can: you might just hit it off with someone you least expect.
Turn Your Loneliness Into an Opportunity
There’s a difference between making a choice and being stuck in a situation. You could let your loneliness consume you (let’s admit it, it happens sometimes and it’s not a weakness!), or you can turn your loneliness into quality time, spent alone doing something meaningful to you.
Maybe you express how you feel by painting or writing a short story, or you relax by doing a puzzle. Having a creative outlet is a great way to keep yourself good company!
Don't Overcommit Yourself
Many people try to escape loneliness by filling their time with useless or unproductive things, or by working extra hours when they don’t need the money. All this to try to drown out loneliness: it’s not the right move. It might help you forget you’re alone for a while, but you’ll only end up feeling worse.
The key is to slow down a bit and focus on something you truly love or something you’ve always wanted to do but never have.
Be Realistic (But Don't Give Up)
Even though there are things you can do to help yourself feel less lonely, they’re not all foolproof. Sometimes you won’t succeed, people won’t want to connect with you, they’ll be too busy to try new things together, or maybe these new activities won’t stimulate you as you hoped and you’ll still end up feeling lonely. It happens.
Those moments will be tough, but the key is to persevere anyway. Don’t give up: keep taking care of yourself, activate a cycle of positive and constructive thoughts, do activities that make you feel good and connect you with others.
Are you ready to try new experiences? What will be your next one?