Finding new friends can be intimidating, but it is definitely rewarding. After all, making new friends is a big part of life for most of us. They are the ones who go through life with us, sharing our ups and downs, our pains and joys. Without friends, life wouldn’t be the same at all. We wouldn’t be who we are without them. But how to find friendsespecially if you’re introverted?
Some reflections on this:
Different Types of Friendships
You’re looking for new people who could turn into new friends. But what kind of friendship do you want? It’s not always easy to know in advance, but we can still guide you:
Acquaintances
We see each other at work or in other social settings we regularly attend. We didn’t choose to know each other or spend time together: we just found ourselves in the same context. We greet each other, are polite, exchange small talk, but usually that’s all. When we go home or leave work, in other words, when everyone returns to their “real life,” there are no lasting ties from this relationship: it’s a connection that ends within its own context and doesn’t continue elsewhere.
Friends
Those we generally call “friends” are the ones we spend our free time with: activity companions we meet occasionally to catch up or go out, maybe with whom we share hobbies or the parents of our children’s classmates children with whom we spend some Saturdays. Pleasant people with whom we share moments of relaxation.
True Friends
Or best friends. People we can talk to about anything. It doesn’t matter how often we meet: the depth of this kind of friendship isn’t measured by frequency. These are the friends you can count on at any time.
What Are We Looking For?
Usually, even if we’re not consciously aware of it, we’re trying to find new friends and, if possible, true friends. We already have plenty of acquaintances, right?
It doesn’t matter if you just want to make regular new friends or find true friends: everything is possible.
Many people who seem very outgoing and sociable were once shy and awkward with others: social skills can be trained, like anything else.
Here are our tips for making new friends or meeting potentially friendly people:
Premise: Often the Fear Is in Our Heads
Sometimes we think of meeting new people as something scary, something to fear.
We worry and stress because we want to make a good impression, because we’re afraid we won’t be fluent or brilliant in conversations and similar things. The more we overthink it, the more anxious the situation makes us.
It’s a mental projection, a fear that takes on a life of its own and prevents us from making new friends or experiences. Shyness and social anxiety are just results of our fear taking hold in our minds.
And that’s exactly where our fears are: in our heads. Think about it: we’re all a bit like that, worried about making a good impression. When you have these fears, do you notice what others say and do? No!
The same goes for everyone: when you’re anxious about yourself, you don’t pay attention to what others project of themselves.
Start With Acquaintances
If socializing and meeting a large number of people intimidates you, start small. That is: begin socializing with people who are already somewhat familiar to you.
Reach Out to Them
Do you have acquaintances you met in previous years? Or friends you’ve lost touch with over time? Send them a friendly text and say hello. Ask when they’re free to meet. They’ll surely be surprised and happy to hear from you again: see if there are opportunities to reconnect.
Meet Their Friends
Do you know how most friendships start? Through mutual friends. Just like on Facebook, it’s possible to create connections with friends of someone you feel comfortable with.
Accept Invitations to Go Out
Invitations come, but you don’t feel up to it, you procrastinate. Well, it will be hard to make friends staying home and refusing or postponing invitations we receive: take the plunge and you’ll see it’s worth it!
Take the Plunge!
Once you’ve reconnected with your circle of friends, the next step is to find new friends, to meet people you don’t know.
How? Here are some practical examples:
Join Meetup Groups
Meeters is a great site to quickly meet many new people while sharing group activities, like trekking or tastings.
Attend Workshops and Courses
Training paths and courses gather people who think like you:
people curious to deepen a certain discipline. Sharing learning moments will act as a bond: choose the course that suits you and naturally approach the other participants!
Volunteer
A great way to spread kindness and give concrete help to someone; also, it will be an opportunity to meet compassionate people with a cause, the same one you care about.
Follow Online Communities
Turning to online is a great way to meet new people. Some of the best friendships started online. Internet communities are central places where people who share something gather. Visit online forums on topics of your interest. Participate constructively and enthusiastically: soon you’ll get to know the people who populate them better.
Make the First Move
Once you’re in contact with people around you, someone has to make the first move. It could be you! Take the first step and say hello. Get to know each other, share something about yourself and then give the other person the chance to share something about themselves.
Something simple and not too elaborate, at least as a conversation starter. Once the ice is broken, it will be easier to connect.
Don’t Judge Too Soon
Sometimes we imagine all kinds of things about the types of friends we want. Someone who is understanding, who listens to us, who has the same hobbies, who thinks exactly like us, etc.
And then, when we meet the person and realize they’re different from our expectations, we close ourselves off.
Don’t do that. Give friendship the chance to bloom and develop, even in unexpected ways. More importantly, give yourself a chance with this budding friendship.