Understanding how to find true friends, thus forming strong bonds – and maintaining them – is the key to a long and healthy life.
Yet, as we grow into adulthood, establish a career, start a family, our friendships often take a backseat.
We are making a big mistake: learning to build relationships is something that will reward us for a lifetime. So here are four ideas to understand how to find true friends and build lasting bonds.
Be the Friends You Wish to Have
The first step is preliminary: prepare the ground by acknowledging the expectations we have for our relationships.
This doesn’t mean making a list of traits as if shopping at the supermarket: it means leading by example.
So, if you want your friends to be reliable, be reliable yourself first. If you want them to share their lives, you must share yours too. It’s a give and take.
This doesn’t mean sharing your deepest, darkest secrets the first time you meet. When thinking about how to find true people, we must always keep in mind the gradual nature of the process. So, initially, this might mean sharing your preferences, dislikes, experiences, and perspectives; these are things that will become essential to maintaining a sense of intimacy over the long term.
Bonding in Different Contexts
Finding common interests is fundamental. Taking a yoga class together or even going for a walk helps build bonds and is what distinguishes a true friendship from a colleague or acquaintance.
The difference is that relationships take place in more than one context and conversations focus on different areas of your life. If you meet someone at work and think they could become a true friend, it’s important to meet with that person outside the office as well. Can you talk about something other than work with them? Do they share your hobbies or interests?
Consistency, Positivity, Vulnerability
The path to a healthy friendship is paved with these three things. How to find true friends? By remembering these concepts.
Positivity means feeling good because the other person treats us kindly, sharing laughs, or feeling gratitude. Once we meet people we feel good with, the next step is to interact with them regularly, building a shared history and creating memories.
And vulnerability? It means allowing someone else into our personal space, knowing our opinions that we wouldn’t share with just anyone, being aware of our feelings, and listening to our experiences.
Open Communication
It’s important to share with a friend when we need more commitment, time, or support. When we aren’t honest about what we need (and what we can give at any given time), relationships don’t last long.
Telling friends when we’re less able to be present, rather than simply saying, “I’m busy,” is an act of care and part of good practices for understanding how to find true people. Explaining, for example, to friends that we’re going through a tough time at work or with a family illness is an act of openness and honesty that helps build a connection.
Find New Ways to Spend Time Together
Not only do we have fewer acquaintances as we age, but we also tend to have less quality time to spend with our friends, which is why it’s important to find new ways to keep the momentum going: running errands together, going to a fitness class, grabbing a coffee. Technology can also play a role, and we can use the internet both to kickstart relationships and to stay in touch with old and new friends.
Technology is not a substitute for those face-to-face conversations and connections, of course, but it can create a genuine connection, which is what strong and healthy relationships are built on.